big big big huge and talking to the zoo.

This one is actually from a coworker who also uses Google Voice. It starts off normal, but then takes a turn...

Hey, this is ... It's almost 3 o'clock Friday night cos I'm calling is this is. Thanks. Thank you for the great job. I and and then the model animation stuff. I guess I wanted torespond. This is a look at the email you and see what's going on and people going out so they you have to get his estimates are courts wanted to call everyone thank everyone to willtalk to you soon and help and bass likes for that was a great success. I guess when you get the job yet, but that's kind of you have a big big big huge tough to get so. And yeah,pretty much. I talked to the zoo. Well it was exception of. I guess shipped out for a house. So thanks again and I have a good weekend. I'll see you Monday.

He actually did say "guesstimate"

6.4.10 17:03

Hey, Theo, this is ... 65 o'clock at Thunder still 4 listen. I don't come after it. It's amazing that you gave me for login, so I'm just gonna guesstimate here. I thought it was like to start andalso together Thursday on a sponsor email. Thanks. Gimme a call if you have a side once. I'll see you Monday. Thanks

Senator John: Polarity People

5.28.10 10:57

Hey, Theo, this is ... Hello, I would like Friday I was. I just spoke with John with. If if you'll get out of mainly his polarity people messed up to date, so as soon as you compile the, and if youif you're shops yo south, you know. Senator John will fix it. Call it would be great. That whole mess. Thanks.

He was calling about my mom's birthday

This one is from my Dad. To say he's a mumbler would be like saying the Pacific Ocean is damp.

5.20.10 16:07 I need to address. Dad So if you give me a call if you if you were going down and stuff. I thought about it. I just left o'clocktonight. Okay, I've got the he said enough doctor. Okay bye.

The Agony Union

4.2.11 16:11

Hey Theo. ... 410 listen. The to file so local, Nevin animation do not play. You know, giving our in the media play so I can get there, you know file so I can use a them or if you can. This ison the would be good as well. Give me a call. Either way, the agony Union right now and it's give me a call on my cell. All office number. I'm still a software.

a Lucien

3.24.10 18:05

If you ... and you probably expecting hope. Hopefully if ever you know or something. Listen, Yes, Just to let you know what they want and what they want is a wondering if we can grade thequality of the map to which we reply to the considering do do do you have and if that's possible. We need to let them know that tomorrow morning on that and I will check what kind of qualitymaps they have and what they gave us and we need to do the same thing and I am so I need tomorrow morning first thing in the morning to know what it is a Lucien, and what I don't havewe're using. Yes, it is possible to use. I'll bet on map at least for the first you know 5 to 10 seconds of and animation. If not for the whole thing. So that's all I need to know if you have timetoday if you can call me back or you. We'll we'll talk about that tomorrow. They're looking for us to tell them. If you have a conversation about 9 o'clock one of the 9 9 o'clock Chicago timetomorrow morning. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a Goodnight, Thanks.

Dollars X

11.10.09 12:51

This is ... just, well, I know you talk to you do. ... so we taking building your out on this whole thing with you. Which dollars of these. Well, 10 O'clock a lot of like they just gave us withmore information. We needed lost with base of it. As far as the watchword today and follow up all the working tonight. Employee call for tomorrow again or something. Based on what you'vecreated. They for him. Anyway foot hood for today. The rest of the day that is nothing it if you watched like. As far as on the board, but I'm sure by the end of the way what you're into thatfurther with you. Dollars X the, what you'll bring, it will last live dollars in for the rest of the way but but for today, there's nothing we need to do. I guess but call me if you have any questions.

The Gun on the Wall

This blog is a record of voicemails from my boss, as transcribed by Google Voice's voicemail transcription. Sometimes hilarious, always confusing. I was tempted to post more accurate translations, but I'd hate for it to lose the mystery.

The name of the blog is a reference to Chekhov's Gun, which, according to wikipedia is...

the literary technique whereby an element is introduced early in the story, but its significance does not become clear until later on. For example, a character may find a mysterious object that eventually becomes crucial to the plot, but at the time the object is found it does not seem to be important.

Once, my boss (who, I should explain, has a decently thick accent) was trying to explain that he expected an event to happen because of "the gun on the wall." He told us that. "if there's a gun on the wall, you're going to get shot." At this point, we were confused and frightened that one us might get shot. I didn't know where the gun was, I didn't know which wall it was on.

Months later, while eating breakfast, I finally figured out what he was trying to say. When asked about it, he, of course, had denied the whole thing had taken place.

I'll remove the name of my boss from all of the posts (it transcribes perfectly every time) as well as any co-workers or sensitive work-related data. Of course, if you can't tell what he was talking about anyway, I just leave it in.